


Whom My Soul Loveth

by The Neon Gang (clgfanfic)



Series: Magnificent Seven (TV) - Comfort's Bed [11]
Category: The Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: M/M, Metafiction, Old West
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-25
Updated: 2014-01-25
Packaged: 2018-01-09 22:17:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1151444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clgfanfic/pseuds/The%20Neon%20Gang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things are going to change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whom My Soul Loveth

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published in the zine Seven Card Stud #5 under the pen name Aspen Glennbearn, then in the standalone novel Comfort's Bed.
> 
> This is part of a larger metafiction that includes the Old West and ATF Denver AU worlds. There are dreams within dreams, realities within realities,but it all works out in the end as a Chris/Vin world, so be warned if you prefer a different paring.

A sequel to "A Friend Loveth"  and "To Love One Another."

 

          The beauty of the spring day wasn't lost on Josiah as he rode along the narrow trail.  Sunlight, warm but not hot, rained down on him, sharpening the edges of the shadows and setting the color of the wildflowers aglow.  He pulled Apostle up and leaned over onto his saddle horn, taking a moment to just let it all soak in.

He sighed heavily, feeling almost a little giddy.  His trip to visit his sister had gone better than he'd expected, Hannah in a lucid period.  She was attentive and witty, smiling and even laughing a few times.  And he was absolutely certain that he had the man riding beside him to thank for that.  Hannah had taken one look at the man and started to climb out of her shell, although he had no idea why.  He was just immensely grateful to God, and to his friend, that it had happened.

Vin Tanner sat on his big black gelding, looking out across the landscape, enjoying the beauty of the day as much as Josiah was.  Feeling the former priest's gaze on him, he glanced over at Sanchez.  "Ya all right, J'siah?"

"I am, brother," the man replied, flashing Tanner a toothy grin.  "You made a difference in her, Vin.  You reached her somehow, something I've been trying to do for years."

Tanner felt his cheeks begin to burn with embarrassment.  "Aw hell, J'siah, I's just taggin' along with ya.  She was jist happy t' see ya is all."

"Yes, she was," Josiah replied, holding the man's blue eyes, his appreciation clear in his smoky blue eyes.  "But I think that was because I had you with me.  And once she made that breakthrough, she was, well, she was more like the girl I used to know.  I'm grateful, Vin, more than I can say."

The tracker shifted uncomfortably in his saddle.  "Don't think I did anything."

Sanchez gazed fondly at the younger man, thinking, _Your spirit's so pure, so beautiful, it can't help but shine though, and Hannah could see it.  Her sight was always clearer than anyone I'd ever met_.  But he said, "Well, I'm just glad it worked out like it did."

"Me, too," Vin agreed, dipping his head.  He had enjoyed the trip with Josiah and he had enjoyed meeting Hannah, who, he thought, seemed to make more sense than a lot of other folks he'd run across.  There was something about the woman, a special-ness that touched his heart, and he hoped he had the chance to see her again sometime.

And then they started off again, riding toward home.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

          A couple of hours later the two men reached a fork in the trail, one branch leading to Four Corners, the other out to Larabee's small cabin.  As they neared it, Vin slowed Peso, his gaze fixed longingly on the path to Chris's.

Seeing the look in the tracker's eyes, Josiah's heart ached for the man.  To love the way Vin loved, and not to have it returned, well, that was no less than pure grief.  "For my life is spent with grief, and my years with sighing," he said softly.[2]

          Vin turned.  "What'd ya say, J'siah?"

          The former priest shook his head.  "Nothin', brother.  Is he there?"

          Vin looked back down the path leading to Larabee's cabin and nodded.  He didn't know how he knew, but he did, and Josiah would believe him.

          "I was thinkin', maybe we should drop by, let him know we're back," Josiah suggested.

          Vin looked back at the big man, his eyes alight with happiness.  "Might not be a bad idea," he said, but his tone was hesitant, almost fearful.

          Josiah knew why.  Vin's feelings for Larabee were always close to the surface, but lately they seemed even more so.  He guessed it had something to do with the beautiful spring weather they were having, after a miserable summer and winter.  The explosion of new life was everywhere, and a fever seemed to have afflicted almost everyone in town.

          He made the decision for the tracker, reining his gelding onto the path the cabin, Vin following closely behind him.

          Less than an hour later they arrived at the cabin.  Larabee was outside, working to put down a new porch.  The two men dismounted, tied their horses to the small corral, and walked over to join him.

          Chris stood, shirtless, his skin gleaming with sweat.  He smiled at the men and wiped his face with a handkerchief.  "Welcome back," he greeted them.

          "Good to be back, brother," Josiah greeted, noticing how Tanner was staring at Larabee's naked chest.  "Anything happen while we were gone?"

          Chris lifted a dipper out of a bucket of water sitting in the shade and took a look drink before he said, "Nothing.  Been quiet."

          "Good to hear," Josiah replied, then glanced at the half-finished porch.  "Like some help finishing that?"

          Larabee flashed the big man a smile.  "Wouldn't turn it down."

          Vin nodded.  "Nice day t' work outside."

          With a nod Chris turned back to the project.  Josiah unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off, getting to work beside Chris.  Vin bent to work as well, keeping his shirt on, too self-conscious about his scars to go shirtless in front of Larabee.  He focused on the job at hand, silently scolding himself whenever his gaze strayed to Larabee's glistening back or chest.

          A few hours later, the porch was finished and the three men were headed back to Four Corners.

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

 

When the three peacekeepers reached Four Corners they delivered their horses to the livery, and then headed off in different directions – Chris to the jail and saloon, Vin to his wagon, and Josiah to the bathhouse, which was empty except for Tibbs, who ran the place.

The former preacher sat on one of the small stools next to a full tub of steaming water and pulled off his boots.  Standing, he removed his shirt, pants, socks, and underwear.

Nude, he ran his hands over his belly as he contemplated what was to come, then climbed into the tub, carefully lowering himself into the almost too-hot liquid.  Sighing deeply, he scooted down so he could lean back against the wood worn smooth by use, and waited for the warmth to soak into his pleasantly-tired muscles.

Closing his eyes, he enjoyed the way the water lifted the hairs off his legs and gently supported his flaccid penis.  As he moved, small waves rocked his sex, sending _tiny_ pulses of pleasure through his lower belly.  He closed his eyes, enjoying the slightly erotic sensation.

Without thinking, Josiah's hands moved under the water, tracking lightly over his chest in random paths.  He stroked softly down his throat and breastbone with his right hand while the left pursued a path along the flesh of his left side.  A slight, lazy smile lifted the corners of his mouth.  He pressed his head back and rolled it side to side on the lip of the tub, recalling the look in Vin's eyes as he'd watched Larabee earlier.  How was it possible that Chris hadn't noticed the tracker's feelings?

Or maybe he had noticed and, unable to return them, he'd simply chosen not to respond to them in any way.  But Josiah sincerely hoped that wasn't the case.  There was so much more to Vin Tanner than met the eye, and the tracker deserved to find happiness.  And if that was with Chris Larabee, well, then so be it.

But it wasn't going to be easy.

Larabee, like the rest of them, had made the mistaken assumption that Vin was a colleague, a man like them.  He wasn't.  Indian-raised and taught, veteran of a bloody war, lone bounty hunter, Tanner was a well-seasoned predator.  His skills and experiences went beyond anything any of them could ever imagine.  And that included his understandings about what was and wasn't acceptable sexual behavior.

A lecherous grin stretched across Josiah's face as he rested in the hot water.  Tanner was also one of the most attractive men he'd ever met, and he never grew tired of thinking about the tracker, and the pleasures they had discovered in each others' arms.  But it wasn't the carnal pleasures Vin had brought into his life that made Josiah so fond of him, although he couldn't deny that he enjoyed them.  It was what he had discovered as Vin had opened up more and more, the depths of the man's heart and soul that was what made Vin precious to him.  And that would never change, even if their physical relationship should come to an end, which he assumed it would, should Larabee ever allow the tracker into his heart and his bed.

Josiah stretched and found another comfortable position, letting the hot water do its work, leaching out the aches and pains that reminded him he wasn't getting any younger.  His eyes closed again, his thoughts still drifting on the river that was Vin Tanner.

The tracker's hands were a lover's hands.

He chuckled softly, his own hand coming up to tenderly tease his nipple.  On the curtain of his closed eyelids he could see Tanner's long fingers, fingers that had explored places no woman ever had.  The man's touch was gentle and loving, at odds with his usual intense appearance, enhanced by the force behind those intense blue eyes of his.

It was Tanner's eyes that first attracted Josiah.  He had seen a depth and wisdom there, a pure humanity that reminded him of the holy men he'd met in his travels around the world.  He pulled on the hard nub of his nipple and ground his butt against the bottom of the tub.  Those intense blue eyes seemed to look right into his soul and, in turn, they were open for him to read the secrets hiding there – secrets that Josiah had delighted in bringing out into the light of day, and the shadows of the night.

He shifted hands, rubbing and pulling at his other nipple.  His free hand rubbed roughly down his abdomen and he sighed lowly, enjoying the sensations he was creating.  His fingers moved snake-like through the tangle of hair at his groin until they wrapped around the length of his limp sex.  He thickened slightly when he squeezed, imagining that it was Vin's hand on him, not his own.

In his mind he could see Vin, lying beside him, his hand reaching out to hold him. He would squeeze and pull, his fingers working the growing shaft like he was milking a cow….

Josiah sighed softly again as he pulled on his growing erection.  The hot water would make it hard to come, but it felt too good to give up, and old Tibbs was snoring softly across the room, oblivious to what Josiah was doing.

While one hand moved from nipple to nipple, pulling, squeezing, and rubbing, the other stroked, pumped, and teased at his cock.  The water lapped at the sides of the tub, small waves of growing need.

Placing his feet against the smooth wood, Josiah scooted down lower in the water.  Then, reaching past his semi-erect cock, he fondled his balls, pulling and squeezing on them while he watched his erection grow harder.  He could imagine the feel of Vin's lips on his cock, licking, sucking, urging him to orgasm.

Sweat broke out on his upper lip and forehead and he bit down on his lower lip, wishing it was Vin's teeth, nibbling, teasing his mouth open so his tongue could plunder it.

Abandoning his aching nipples, Josiah ran his hand down his side, over his hip and around the curve of his buttocks until the tip of his finger reached the small tight pucker of his ass.  He pressed forward until his finger slipped inside to just past the first knuckle.  He groaned quietly, not wanting to wake Tibbs, and grabbed his erection, squeezing the head as he wiggled his finger in his ass.  It was too much.

Pulling his finger free, he sat up. He stood, reaching for the large bath towel that hung waiting on the rack.

He toweled himself dry, attacking his partial erection last.  It immediately grew harder.  He scowled at the randy appendage and shook his head.  There was just one thing to do, but he had to get back to his room in the church first.

He dressed and walked back down to the small church he had lovingly restored, heading straight for his small living quarters.

He strode into the small bedroom, coming to an abrupt stop.  His eyes widened and his breath caught as he watched Vin, who was kneeling in the center of the bed, lean forward, reach between his legs, and rub oil onto and into his ass.

"Took ya long enough," he complained thickly.  "I was gittin' ready t' come drag yer ass outta the tub."

Josiah's gaze shifted from Vin's hand to his full erection and back again.  Behind the tracker, the pillows had been arranged so Sanchez could sit up and lean back against the headboard.  Without a word he undressed, walked to the bed, and climbed on, then moved to the pillows.  He leaned back, his eyes never leaving Tanner's muscular back.

The tracker handed back the bottle of oil and Josiah wasted no time pouring out some, rubbing it over his throbbing cock.  He returned the stopper, then leaned over and set the bottle on the nightstand.  When he rested back against the pillows again, Vin said, "Lift your knees."

Josiah bent his knees, pressing his feet against the bed.  Vin, on hands and knees, crawled back toward him.  The tracker's legs brushed along each side of Josiah's naked butt and he stopped.  Straightening on his knees, he reached behind and pulled the cheeks of his ass apart, revealing the glistening, waiting pucker.

Josiah grabbed his cock and held it steady as Vin slowly lowered himself, moving the tip of his sex so it touched the tight pucker.  He heard Tanner take a deep breath and let it out, then felt the ring of muscle relax slightly.  Using his hips, Josiah pressed up and the tip of his cock entered the man.

Vin met the gentle thrust, pushing down and completely capturing the head of Josiah's cock.  He groaned and hissed softly, "Yeah, that's it…"

Josiah thrust his hips again, embedding himself a little deeper in the tight, hot hole.  Vin groaned his appreciation and pushed down to meet the next thrust with equal force.

Reaching out, Josiah gripped Vin's hips, pulling him down as he bucked his hips upward again.  "Vin," he breathed.

"Again," Tanner hissed, his head arched back.

Josiah complied, thrusting harder this time while pulling down on the man's hips, finally impaling the tracker on the full length of his cock.

"You're so tight," Josiah moaned softly.  "So hot."

Vin squeezed his muscles tightly, drawing a sharp gasp from the preacher.  "Ya'll make me come ya keep up that kinda talk," he warned.  "Hang on," he said thickly as he slowly leaned forward so his elbows rested on the bed, his ass locked to Josiah's groin. Then he rocked his hips forward slightly, pulling free a couple of inches and pushed back, pressing Josiah's erection back inside him.

Josiah's head pressed back against the pillows, his fingers curling tightly into the flesh of Vin's hips and causing the tracker to moan with pleasure.  The preacher closed his eyes, lost in the sensations that were sweeping over his body.

When Vin rocked forward a second time, Josiah took a deep breath, and when the tracker rocked back, he thrust forward.

Both men moaned.

Vin forced one hand between his legs and grabbed his cock, pumping himself as he started to rock back and forth, setting a smooth tempo that Josiah matched with powerful, hard thrusts.

Tanner knew that neither of them could go much longer, but he was determined to extend their lovemaking as long as possible.  He rocked forward and stopped.

Josiah whimpered and opened his eyes.  Vin squeezed his muscles again, and the preacher's eyes fell closed again.  "You're a cruel man, Vin Tanner," he hissed through clenched teeth.

Tanner sighed, "I's so close…"

Josiah was close as well, and he knew what Vin wanted.  Taking a deep breath, Sanchez jerked his hips forward and up, stabbing himself as deeply as possible into the tight passage as he could manage.  His hands moved off the tracker's hips, urging Vin to straighten.  He rubbed his hands up Tanner's sides, then found the hard nipples and squeezed.

The tracker's back arched and he rocked his hips faster, harder, grinding his ass onto Josiah's cock.  Josiah met the frantic rhythm, bucking as hard as he could until he came.  Still holding onto Vin's chest, he emptied himself into the man.

The tracker reached down and grabbed the crown of his cock and squeezed hard, allowing himself to experience an orgasm without ejaculating.  He had more plans for the evening and didn't want them to end too soon.

When Josiah's fingers relaxed, Vin leaned forward and rocked one last time, pulling himself free.  He crawled forward, then turned on the bed and joined Josiah, leaning back against the pillows, his erection poking up from his groin like a flagpole.

"Your turn?" Sanchez asked hopefully.

Vin nodded, grinning.  Sitting up, he motioned for Josiah to do the same.  The preacher complied and Vin grabbed two of the pillows.  He set them one on top of the other in the center of the bed, but closer to the foot.

Josiah pointed to himself and then the pillows, asking the silent question.  Vin nodded.

Crawling to the pillows, Josiah lowered himself down onto them so his ass was invitingly elevated and his cock hung down along the cushions.  He listened to Vin grab the oil off the bedside stand, then settled back onto the bed.  The slick smacking sounds of the tracker coating his cock sent a pulse of life through Josiah's own.  Then Vin slipped a slicked finger into the crack of Josiah's ass, delivering a coat of the slippery substance.  That finger moved in teasing circles around the bud of his anus until Josiah groaned and pushed back, demanding Tanner enter him.

Vin lightly but rapidly tapped his fingertip against the sensitive opening, grinning when Josiah began to protest.  He allowed his finger to sink in to the second knuckle, then twisted.  Josiah groaned into the bedspread, his fingers curling into the material.  Vin worked the opening a little more, then drew out his finger.

"Amazing… I'm hard again," Josiah half-growled.

"Good," Vin said, spreading Josiah's legs a little further apart and positioning himself between them.  "Got plans."

Pulling Josiah's cheeks apart, he held them open and positioned the tip of his cock against the well-prepared pucker.  "Push back," he told Josiah.

The older man did as asked, driving his hips back, forcing the head of Vin's cock into his ass.  "Oh yes," he sighed.

The tracker met Sanchez's next push with equal force, sliding in to the halfway point and immediately pulling back out so only the head of his cock was sheathed in the tight passage.  He leaned forward slightly, and shoved, impaling his cock into Josiah's ass, imagining it was Chris under him.

"Yesss…" Josiah hissed, grinding his hips in small, tight circles.

Vin, already close, knew he wouldn't last.  Leaning over Josiah, he slid his hand under the man's lower belly and grabbed his stiff cock, working that while he rode in and out of the hot sheath.  When he felt the first rush of semen squeeze out between his fingers, he came himself with a half-strangled cry.

Pulling out, Vin flopped down on the bed, panting.

Josiah pushed himself up so he was resting on his knees.  The satisfied expression on Vin's face prompted a grin and he reached for the two pillows, tossing them at the man, who caught them and shoved them back into place at the head of the bed.

Josiah maneuvered around and lay down next to the tracker.  "It's getting worse, isn't it," he said instead of asked.

"Yeah," Vin replied sadly.

"Don't give up hope, brother."

"Hell, J'siah, gave that up a long time ago.  Chris ain't got no feelin's fer me.  Not like I got fer him."

"He loves you, Vin," Josiah corrected.

"He'll never love me the way I want 'im to, J'siah.  Never."

"I don't believe in never, Vin.  Men are too impulsive for never."

"Ya think this is God's way t' punish me fer m' feelin's?"

Josiah reached out and pulled the small man closer, Tanner lying his head on the former priest's chest.  "No, Vin, I don't believe God's punishing you."

"Then why do I have these feelin's, J'siah?"

"The wisdom of God is a mystery, Vin, but I truly believe that love – love that comes deep from the heart, pure and strong, love like what you feel for Chris – is a gift from God."

"Helluva gift," Vin muttered, his eyes closing to hide the tears that were building there.  "One ya cain't never open."

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

          Chris backed away from the bedroom door, his body shaking so hard he could barely stand.  He wasn't sure what shocked him most, catching Vin and Josiah in the act of sodomy, or hearing that Vin loved him and wanted to share that experience with him.

          Vin Tanner, in love with him?

          Vin and Josiah, fucking?

          No, he corrected himself, they weren't fucking, they were making love.  He recognized the emotions the two men shared, had reveled in them himself when he'd lain with Sarah.

          The images he'd seen made no sense to him, the words he'd overheard were incomprehensible.

          Reaching the pews, he sank down on the first one, his legs feeling like those of a newly born foal.  He wasn't sure what to do, didn't know what to say, where to go.  He couldn't tell anyone what he'd seen, what he'd heard, but he needed to, desperately.

He took his hat off, setting it on the seat beside him, then leaned over, holding his head in his hands.  He would have moaned his frustration if he hadn't been afraid Josiah and Vin would hear him.

The images of what he'd just seen played out again and again on the curtain of his closed eyelids.  He had to do something, but what?  His non-existent options were cut short when Josiah walked out into the church, stopping abruptly when he saw Larabee sitting there.

          "Chris?" he asked softly, his expression turning worried.  "Something wrong?  Are you hurt, brother?"

          Larabee looked up at the big man, a rush of emotions flooding through him – anger, confusion, jealousy, curiosity.  He wasn't sure what to say to the man, so he said the first words that found his lips – "How long?"

          Josiah's face paled and he took two stumbling steps over to sink down into another pew.  "Chris—"

          "How long?" Larabee repeated, his voice tight and low, dangerous-sounding.

          "A few months," Sanchez said softly.  "Since last winter."

          Larabee nodded and looked down at his hands.  His body trembled with pent up feelings he didn't know how to express.  "It's wrong."

          "Some say so," Josiah agreed, nodding.

          "You?"

          Sanchez leaned back against the pew and sighed heavily.  "No, I don't think so.  I've met men, Chris, good men – intelligent, kind, successful, who God created to love other men.  Not just brotherly love, Chris, but passionate, intimate love.  Those men have created poetry, built bridges, led wars and peace delegations.  They were just men, Chris, men who just so happened to love other men.  I truly believe that God made them like that.  And I've seen what the Devil can do when he gets into a man.  These men were men of God, not Lucifer's lackeys."

          Chris looked up sharply.  "You sure about that, Preacher?"

          Josiah nodded.  "Vin is one of those men, Chris.  He's… special, and I know you know that."

          Larabee looked away again, unable to meet the big man's gaze.  He was begging Chris to understand, and to accept what he'd seen, but the gunslinger wasn't sure he could.

          "He loves you, Chris.  He wants to make his life with you, but he thinks you'll… that you can't love him the way he loves you."

          "He's right," Larabee stated flatly.

          "I don't think so."

          Larabee looked up, meeting the older man's eyes and holding them this time, stormy anger flashing his green eyes.  "What're you saying, Josiah?  That I'm some sodomite like—"  He stopped before he said something he knew, deep in his heart, he'd regret.  "I'm not like that," he concluded.

          "I was you, Chris, twenty years ago, when I found myself in Europe in the company of a man who loved men.  I didn't understand it either, then."

          "What changed?"

          "I spent several months with Walt and his . . . friends.  I got to know them as men, individuals with dreams and aspirations.  They became my friends, and I saw them fall in love, make love and, eventually, they made love to me, to my body, and my soul."

          "I couldn't—"

          "Don't say it, Chris.  Don't.  Stop and think.  What would it feel like if Vin were killed?  If you knew you'd never see him again?"

          Larabee's eyes narrowed as he felt the truth of the man's words hit him hard in the pit of his stomach.  The same hole that had opened in his heart when he'd lost Sarah gaped open again, black despair welling up to sweep him away again.

          Josiah saw the truth in the gunslinger's eyes.  "Exactly.  You already love him, Chris.  You love him like you loved your wife – with your whole heart and soul – and you'd grieve for him like you did for her if you lost him."

          "He's like a brother to me," Chris replied, his voice tight as he tried to force himself to believe his own words.

          "You don't hurt like that for a brother, Chris, you know that.  Few men ever find the kind of love you did with your wife, fewer still find that kind of love a second time.  Are you willing to lose that because the soul you love lives in the body of man?"

          Larabee pulled his gaze away, anger flaring in his guts.  "What of it, Preacher-man?  He's already picked someone else," he snarled.

          "No," Josiah said quietly, shaking his head.  "He was hurting, and I was there – a friend who understood his pain.  I won't deny that I care about that boy.  I do, but not like he loves you…  Not like you love him."

          Pain-filled green eyes searched Josiah's.  "I— I can't love him, Josiah… not like that.  It's— It's… I can't."

          "I think you can, because you _do_ love him.  Your heart will lead the way, Chris.  All you have to do is follow."

          Larabee shook his head.  "I can't."

          "Close your eyes," Josiah instructed the gunslinger.

          Chris hesitated a moment, then closed his eyes with a soft sigh.

          "Now, I want you to imagine that you're lying in bed with Vin."

          Larabee's eyes popped open.  "I saw plenty in there."

Josiah scowled at him and Chris closed his eyes again.  "Now, go with me here, Chris, you and Vin, in bed… you're both naked… you know he loves you… loves you with everything he is… and he wants to touch you, needs to know what your skin feels like under his hand… he reaches out, touches your arm… you already know his touch, Chris, you've trusted it since the day you met him… and now that familiar touch brings pleasure.  His body presses up against yours…"

          Larabee sat, his eyes closed, listening to Josiah talk him through what a night with Vin might be like.  And as the words created erotic images in his head, made more real by what he'd seen earlier, he felt himself begin to get hard.  His eyes sprang open.

          "What?" Josiah asked him.

          Larabee huffed out a breath.  "That's enough," he said thickly.  He stood.  "I need time to think."

          Josiah nodded.  "Just promise me one thing."

          "Depends," Larabee hedged as he picked up his hat and set it on his head.

          The preacher nodded, understanding the man's hesitation.  "I know this surprised you, and maybe you'll be able to accept it, maybe not.  But if you decide you can't, then I'm going to ask you to just pretend you never saw what you did, never heard what you did.  That boy needs you.  Don't send him away.  Even if you can't love him like he needs you to, don't hate him.  Don't send him away.  It'll destroy him."

          Chris thought for a moment, then nodded once.  "Keep him away from the cabin for a day or two."

          "All right," Sanchez agreed.

          Larabee stood and started out of the church.

          "Chris," Josiah called softly.

          Larabee stopped and turned to face the older man.

          "Remember this – Vin's still the same man he always was, he hasn't changed.  The only thing that's changed is you.  Now _you_ know the truth."

          Chris nodded once, and left, Josiah's last words ringing in his ears.

          "By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth:  I sought him, but I found him not."[3]

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

          Chris spent that night in his room at the boarding house and rode out to his cabin at first light.  All the way there he tried not to think about Josiah and Vin together, what the tracker had said, or what Josiah had said.  And, most of all, he refused to think about his reaction to Josiah's words.

          And, by trying _not_ to think about those things, they filled his thoughts for the entire ride, and after he got to the cabin.

          He went to bed that night, still thinking about them, while he tried _not_ to think about them.  And then he dreamed…

 

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

 

Chris led the way into his comfortably furnished room in the boarding house.  Stepping past the door, he waited for Vin to enter, and then closed the door behind him and set the lock.  Reaching up, he unbuttoned his black shirt and tossed it onto an empty chair by the window.  His boots and socks followed while Vin watched, the hunger in his eyes telling Larabee that, while the tracker might have some reservations, he wasn't going to say no, or bolt.

He watched Vin tug his pants down over his thighs, his ass wrapped in tight long johns.

Finally, stripped down, the two men lay down on the bed, the flannel comforter under them soft against their bare skin.  For several minutes they just rested, basking in the scents and sensations of the other man's body so close.

Chris made the first move, reaching out to run his hand down Vin's chest, exploring the man's ribs and rubbing across the firm pecs.  He found a hard nipple, hiding in the soft hair that lightly covered the man's chest.  He flicked a finger gently across the pointed nipple and Vin moaned softly.

The tracker shifted, rolling over onto his side facing Larabee and the gunslinger could read Vin's thought in his eyes, or maybe he could hear them inside his own head, but it didn't matter.  What did was that he did know those thoughts.  Vin wasn't sure what he should do.  He had been alone so long, was so desperate for this partnership, but he was also apprehensive.  When Vin had let his heart get ahead of his head with Blackhawk, his Comanche lover, the warrior had died.  And now there was Larabee…

His skin tingled under the softness of Chris's touch, and he eased his hand up to cover Chris's caressing his chest.  A long sigh escaped Larabee's lips, his fingers remaining inquisitive and insistent.

Vin reached out, touching Chris's smooth chest, then he grabbed the blond's arms and rolled over, tugging the gunslinger over on top of him.  The instant their bodies touched Vin felt Chris's erection.

The blond groaned.  "I get the top, huh?" he chuckled.

          Rather than reply, Vin wrapped his arms around Chris and pulled him tight against his chest.

Larabee retaliated with a kiss, nipping at the inviting lips as Vin slid his hands down Chris's back, making his skin tingle as well.  The tracker continued down to the blond's ass.

Vin groaned, enjoying the soft, cool skin under his fingers.  He kneaded, taking pleasure in the way the gunslinger's muscles quivered ever so slightly.  The solid feel of the man's ass prompted the tracker to press his hips up, grinding his own growing erection against Larabee's hip.

Then, one of Vin's fingers found the crack between the hairless cheeks and slipped down into it until he found the pucker he wanted.

Chris kissed Vin harder, then broke the contact and grinned.  "Keep that up and this'll be over a lot sooner than I was planning."

Vin leveled him with an evil grin of his own.  "That so?"

"That's right."  But Chris surrendered as the tracker's finger teased him again.  "All right, all right," he said.  "But only if I can do the same; only if you let me make love to you."

"You first," Vin said, rising up and forcing Chris back onto the bed.  He stretched out along the man's lean body.  Glancing at the bedside table, he noticed the bottle of oil for the first time.  "That fer me?"

"Or me," Chris replied.

"Ya sure?"

"Yeah," Chris said, a smile spreading across his face as he realized their bodies would soon be joined.  "I'm sure."

"Ya ever had someone–?"

"It was a game Sarah and I used to play," Chris interrupted him.  "She liked to penetrate me with her–"

"Ya c'n stop there," Vin chuckled.  "Sounds like ya had an interestin' marriage."

"Let's just say we wanted to explore every inch of each other, which is exactly how I feel about you."

Vin reached out and grabbed the oil.

"Let me," Chris said, taking the bottle and poured some out into his cupped hand.  He rubbed the oil onto Vin's throbbing erection.

The tracker took the bottle and poured a small amount out into his own hand.  "Put yer knees up," he instructed.

Chris placed his feet on the bed and rolled his hips upward, giving Vin enough room to reach down and gently rim the oil around and into his waiting hole.

Vin maneuvered around to face Chris.

Larabee lifted his legs off the bed, resting the crooks of his knees on Tanner's shoulders.  The tracker's cock poked teasingly against his balls and at the crack of his ass before finding the hole.

          Vin pressed forward, then rocked his hips forward and pushed harder, his cock sliding past the tight ring of muscle so the crown was embedded in the dark warmth.  He let the breath he was holding escape when Chris sighed, then groaned in pleasure and squeezed.

"Ahhhh," Vin groaned, gritting his teeth.  He pushed again, enjoying the feel of the tight muscles as they relaxed, allowing him to slowly slide in farther and farther until he was buried.  He pulled his hips back and drove in again, setting a slow but deep tempo to their lovemaking.

It felt like an explosion was going off in his bowels every time Vin sank into him and Chris reached down, using the remainder of the oil to coat his own cock and pump it in time with the tracker's thrusts.

Vin picked up the pace.

"God," Chris breathed.  "God, yes."

Tanner's balls slapped harder against Chris's ass cheeks, then the tracker shoved in as far as he could before shooting his seed into Larabee's ass.  At the same time, Chris's own cock erupted, shooting come against Vin's belly button.

Vin pulled out slowly, falling back onto the bed next to Larabee.  "Never tried it like that," the tracker said.

"Good?"

"Very."

 

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          Chris woke with a gasp, realizing too late that he was jerking himself to orgasm. Then he was coming, his body shaking with the violent release.  When he was done, he lay in his narrow bed, trying to understand the turn his life had taken, and what he was going to do about it.

          That he had to do something was obvious, but he still wasn't sure what that something should be.  Could he love Vin like that?  Could he allow Tanner to do that to him?

          And what if he didn't?  Could he go back to the way it had been before he'd seen the two men together?

          With a long sigh he admitted to himself that he couldn't.  He couldn't forget what he'd seen and, more importantly, he couldn't forget what he'd heard.

 _Chris ain't got no feelin's fer me.  Not like I got fer him…_   _He'll never love me the way I want 'im to, J'siah.  Never.  Ya think this is God's way t' punish me fer m' feelin's?_   _Helluva gift; one ya cain't never open._

          The pain he'd heard in the tracker's voice stabbed through Larabee's chest.  He didn't want to hurt the man, but this… this was… what?

          He'd dreamed about lying with Tanner and he'd come.  Josiah had painted the picture with his words and he'd gotten hard.  He'd gotten hard watching Josiah and Vin together, too.  What did that mean?

          That he wanted Tanner?

          No.  He'd never thought about it until the moment he'd seen the two men together.

          And now?

          Now he couldn't get those images out of his mind.  Couldn't stop thinking about what'd he seen… and how it might feel if it was him lying with Vin… touching him, being touched by him…

          He groaned and rolled his head back and forth.  What the hell had he gotten himself into?  Love?  He'd promised himself he'd never love again, never risk being hurt like that again, but it was too late – had been for a while.

          _What would it feel like if Vin were killed?  If you knew you'd never see him again?_

          He'd hurt.  Oh, God how he'd hurt.  Like he had before, when he lost Sarah, and Adam, and the unborn child she carried.  He'd never hurt like that before, but he knew it would be just as bad if he lost Vin.

          He loved Vin.

          A simple thought, yes, but not so simple when he tried to decide what to do next.  He needed to talk to Tanner.  But where?  Here?  In town?

          Talk.  Yes, they needed to talk, but he wanted more than talk.  The palms of his hands began to itch as he remembered how it had felt to touch the tracker in his dream.

He might need to talk to Vin, but what he really wanted to do was touch him.  He wanted to sink into the man's core and lose himself in the pleasures he had seen Vin and Josiah sharing.  He wanted to love Tanner, in all ways.

Just like Vin wanted him.

"This is one gift you're going to open, Vin.  I promise you that."

He decided he'd head back into town tomorrow.  He'd talk to Vin, and then he'd bring the tracker back out here and let Vin show him the pleasures he'd been sharing with Josiah.  Tanner would know how he felt, even if he had to keep telling the tracker the same thing, over and over again until he finally heard it.

He wouldn't be the one who hurt Vin.

 

 

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[2]  Psalms 31:10.

[3]  Song of Solomon 3:1.


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